I'll teach you all the things you never knew... you're going back, back to school

I am officially in awe of my four year-old. I'll set the scene. We're having dinner last night and as brothers do... Seth called his brother a name. A trapezoid, actually. His mother speaks up for his wordless brother and calls Seth a rhombus. A discussion ensues between the four-year old and the NASA employee about what a rhombus is. “It's a diamond” says Seth. “No, its a kind of a skewed square” his mother retorts. I shut up, not really knowing what a rhombus is. Anyways... the debate goes on until Seth breaks into song. ”Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.“ OK, normalcy prevails... the four year-old is acting like a four year-old. Not quite. “Up above the world so high,” he sings, “Like a RHOMBUS in the sky.” He uses the right inflection on the word for emphasis and stares directly at his mother to make his point. Holy crap. Oh no you di-int!! Did I actually just witness this?

His über-competitive mother takes that as the gauntlet being thrown down and grabs her iPhone to Wikipedia the word.

It's a diamond. You, my dear, have just been schooled by your four year-old.

In the interest of fairness...it is also what she described. I guess. In my mind however, this will be remembered as an old-school smackdown. Advantage pre-schooler.

Headline from "Back to School" by Ace Frehley, 1989

Tryin' to find a reason to get outta my bed... everyday things

In my quest to figure out the things that make me happy on a daily basis, it's interesting for me to look at the “stuff” that brought me joy as a child versus what rings my bell now. I'm talking more about the little things here...not the obvious like the two of you boys. Here's a peek at now versus then.

THEN
Kiss - Man, was I hooked on these guys from about the age of 10 to 14. Something that was just for me that my parents could never understand. Cool.

Magic - Yup, your Dad was way into magic. Took lessons and everything. To this day I have one trick that still blows people's minds and makes them mad when I won't tell them how I do it.

Bubble gum - Wait a minute, all kids love bubble gum, right? Well...I took it to another level. I could tell you the differences between the three major brands Bubble Yum, Bubblicious and Hubba Bubba. I even had a business selling it at school. People would come to me to meet all their bubble gum needs.

Skateboards - It was all about skateboards growing up in So Cal.

Freakies - The greatest tree-living aliens cereal ever created.

NOW
Mornings at Starbucks - Starbucks has become my Zen garden. Gimme my Venti decaf nonfat no-whip mocha and an iPod and I'm set.

Theater room - Three years and I still love this room. Who needs the movie theater and their sticky floors when we have this.

iTunes - I've always been a music nut. But having a go-zillion songs at my fingertips? Where was this when I was thirteen?

iPhone - Again...where was this thirty years ago? Oh, yeah. Anyways, I can't imagine living without it now.

Punk rock - 43 and I still love it. I'll be the 80 year-old geriatric crowd surfing to Blitzkreig Bop.

Springsteen - See the post below. He's just The Man.

Sushi - Your dad can put this stuff away. Just yum. Gimme a spicy tuna hand roll soaked in wasabi soy sauce and I'm in heaven.

It's the little everyday things, boys. Find them, make time for them and enjoy.

Headline from "Everyday Things" by The Plimsouls, 1979

Ooo you make me live, You you're my best friend

Just a few of the things you boys enjoy doing with me at this stage of your lives....

Seth (aka Bug, Boy, Bubba, Pook, Big Man, Punk Rock)
- Having me make up stories at bedtimes. No Boy, those stories were not scripted.
- Debating which one of us is, in fact, Tootie Butt.
- Racing to see who can get undressed for a shower faster.
- Wrestling on Mommy & Daddy's bed.
- Telling really bad knock-knock jokes.
- Doing a knuckle-bump and then blowing it up. Cuz that's cool.
- Rockin' out to ska music in the car. You telling me to keep my hands on the wheel.
- Keeping secrets from Mommy...especially as it relates to donuts.
- Beating Daddy senseless with your Hulk hands. Or with your regular hands.
- Hearing me talk about when I was a boy. You listen mesmerized.

Sage (aka Monkey, Panda, Baby Bug, Little Man)
- Having me rub my head into your tummy as you laugh and laugh and laugh.
- Flying through the air as “Super Baby” and attacking your bro.
- Looking out the front door with me.
- Listening to me butcher Bob Marley songs.
- Drooling aaalllllll over my head when I lift you up on my shoulders.

Headline from "You're My Best Friend" by Queen, 1975

For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside, That it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive.

While the majority of the writings here are words of wisdom for you boys, it is also an opportunity for me to share with you the importance that music has meant in my life. Music can be magical. It can take you to another place when you need it. It can make you happy when you feel down, or it can simply be a friend during those times sharing empathy with some of the most heartfelt lyrics ever written. There are artists who can do that better than others. For me, there is nothing quite like Bruce Springsteen. They call him “The Boss”.

With all of the rock star posturing that's out there, Bruce exemplifies the “everyman” attitude better than anyone before him. He just gets me. His words share what you are feeling. His songs give you hope. He is the voice of my generation.

I was a late convert to the music of Springsteen. In the mid-70's when it was all about Kiss and Cheap Trick, I thought Springsteen was a dinosaur already. It would take another ten years to start appreciating the gifts he had to offer me. One particularly memorable night for me was back when I was in college. I remember listening to Springsteen for about four hours straight after hearing that my best friend Eric's dad had been killed. I laid on the floor and thought about my relationship with my father and my own mortality. That night Bruce was there for me.

You will likely find your own music that speaks to you. It's hard to say what will be the “popular” music of your generation. I bet Springsteen stands the test of time though. Someday when you're feeling lonely put on “Nothing Man“. On a carefree Friday night put on ”Glory Days“. In a defiant mood? “Badlands.” Need some inspiration? ”No Surrender.“ When you have a son... ”My Hometown.“ See if he doesn't speak to you.

Headline from "Badlands" by Bruce Springsteen, 1978

When I say I love you, you say you better

Well boys....2008 is quickly drawing to a close. Sage, your first six months were certainly eventful. Seth, year 4 has been an experience. Hopefully year 5 will be slightly less exhausting. I beg of you.

It was a tough year for your dad on many fronts. Even though I'm old as dirt and like to pretend I have it all figured out, I flounder through just like everyone else. My goal for 2009 is a daunting one. I want to do everything better. Never one to set the bar too high, right? What I mean is that I want to improve. Whatever I do, I don't want to accept mediocrity. I want to do it better. I'm trying to get more organized, more focused, more centered. I'll let you know how it goes. What I do know is that I want more. Not because I'm greedy or materialistic but because I know I can do better.

Part of that improvement is to be a better dad to you guys. You mean the absolute world to me and I know I can do better with you. I want to give you everything you need in life. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own ”stuff“ that I become clouded and have trouble seeing what is vital in the world. You guys are that for me. You have my pledge to do better.

I love you very, very much.

Dad

Headline from "You Better, You Bet" by The Who, 1981

Take my hand, please help me man, 'cause I'm looking for something to believe in

We live in a world of personal injustices. It's a sad fact. There are those that choose to live a life void of understanding, empathy, and compassion. The needs of others simply don't matter. Selfishness is an ugly, ugly quality. Don't allow it to define you as so many others have.

As you continue to develop the ideologies that will define you as men in this world, make sure never to surrender your ideals to those who will try to rob you of them. There are those that will try to force their own self-serving ideals on you and make you feel that you are wrong for your beliefs. They will use many methods to attempt to break you and conform to their view of how you should be, think, and act. Believe in yourself and the things that are important to you. There is nothing more unbreakable in this world than a man fighting for a cause that he truly believes in. That being said, the portrait of a confident, principled man is one that will revile those that seek to tear you apart. It terrifies people because it makes them look at themselves and perhaps see the fact that they are wrong. People hate being wrong so much that they will do everything in their power to not have to address that possibility.

It is my hope that you both develop into passionate men. Passionate in the sense of having a set of core beliefs that define you and defending those ideals to all the attackers who will most certainly try to beat you down for having them. Don't accept others definitions of “how things are.” Make things how you want them to be. You have the power to create the life you want and no one can take that from you. Don't let them.

A strong man is not defined by how much he can bench press. Instead it is by the determination he displays in seeking to make justice out of injustice. Righting the wrongs. Taking a stand for what you believe in will make you admired by some, hated by others. No way around that. Some people view a strong man as a threat and will set about to destroy him. Stay true to what you believe in and they don't stand a chance against you. Allow yourself to be open to others' opinions and be man enough to admit when yours turn out to be wrong. That is the trait of a great man.

My family comes before all else. Before my personal needs, my career, my country....God. That may not be the order that the bible speaks of, but it is mine. I cannot and will not become complacent when it comes to my family. As a young man growing up, I often felt lost and was searching for the ideals that would define my life. Family is it for me. It is how I hope to be remembered. I used to think success, money and “things” defined a man but I have come to learn that that is a myth conjured up by some ad exec on Madison Avenue.

I love you guys with all of my heart and will fight for you until my last breath. To those who would wish to attack you....you better bring your “A” game. And then some.

Love,
Dad

Headline from "Something to Believe In" by The Ramones, 1986

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

This week our country did something that I didn't think I'd see in my lifetime. Maybe in yours. We elected an African-American President of the United States. Barack Obama will become our 44th President on January 20, 2009.

We live in a country divided. White and black, rich and poor, have and have-nots. It's been that way for my entire life. But this one man was able to do something no one else before him could do. He was able to bring the two sides together, even if it was for only historic night this past Tuesday. Our country is in such a state of disarray that we as a people were willing to take a chance. We are in need of help and we were in no position as a country to deny the best candidate for change that we had in front of us simply due to the color of his skin. So we did something unprecedented in an attempt to make the lives of our citizens better. To make our country stronger. To restore our reputation and our pride. Whether or not any individual in this country agrees or disagrees with Barack Obama the man....Bravo on the decision to better ourselves regardless of our past beliefs and stigmas. We took a step forward as a nation Tuesday night. And as a society.

I hope that we look back four years or eight years from now and find ourselves in a better place. My gut tells me we will. Regardless of the GNP, the unemployment rate or the level of the Dow at the end of Obama's term, we have improved ourselves as a people. Let's keep it going. The writers of the Constitution would have been proud. I am. Regardless of how one voted on November 4, 2008, it was a good day to be an American and there haven't been a lot of those lately.

Headline from "Changes" by David Bowie, 1971

The First Cut is the Deepest

Sunday is a day I won't soon forget. Seth...You took a spill down the stairs at Miss Jodie's house and split a big gash in your cheek. It was nasty. Mom & Jodie took you to the emergency room and I drove like a madman down from our house. When I got there I wasn't prepared for what I saw. You were screaming in pain as three people were trying to hold you down while the doctor gave you shots on the cut to numb it. Oh man...not my boy. I tried to console you and assure you that this would be over soon but the combination of fear and pain was too strong for you to calm down. I laid down across your body to help hold you down. I held your hands and urged you to squeeze them as hard as you could. Take it out on me. I'll take all the pain you want to transfer to me. That's what a dad does. It took forever, or so it seemed. I can say without reservation that this was one of the more horrible experiences I have ever had in my life. You'll understand it one day when you have kids of your own. Their pain is your pain. Your pain was most certainly my pain. The doctor finally got you stitched up. My story from here on out will be that it was my piercing glare at the doctor that got him to do such a good job. It was a “Sew my son's face wrong and I'll rip your throat out” stare. Your dad can tend to be a bit intense in these situations.

You came through it like a trooper. A sweaty, exhausted trooper, but a trooper nonetheless. By the next morning you had your strength back and except for the black eye and swelling seemed to be your old self. Gonna take more than that to slow you down. Plus I think it sank in that chicks dig scars.

In the scheme of your life this event will prove insignificant more than likely. You will have so many things that are more important and unfortunately, sometimes more painful. But to me, it's something that will stay with me. I can't describe the feeling in any way except “Please God, make it stop.” I love you, my son, with all that I am. Always will, unconditionally. Scars and all.

Headline from "The First Cut is the Deepest" by Rod Stewart, 1977 (originally by Cat Stevens, 1967)

And I am lost, and I can't even say why

Each day gets a little closer to normal life. The realization now that my business will survive and I will continue to be able to provide for my family is a reassurance that was missing four weeks ago. I'm still struggling to balance work, family, health and all of the many, many pressures of daily life. But I'm getting there. I think.

I want so much for you guys. Your success in life, however that is defined, is of utmost importance to me as I'm sure it is to your Mom. Sage...you got your second round of vaccinations yesterday and man, they hurt didn't they? Your pain is our pain. If I could take those shots for you I would without hesitating. Seth...my wise, oh so insightful, keep me on my toes, amazing son...you're trying hard to find your way. I see it. Keep working and you'll see incredible results. This world can be a challenging one. One that sometimes kicks you square in the teeth. But it can also afford you highs that make those occasional kicks tolerable. You have the world before you. Grab it. So few actually do.

I'm trying to grab it myself. I've never been one to settle. Settling is for the weak. Yes, my bar is set high. But I don't want to be the guy who accepts what life hands me. Nope. I'm taking what I can and reaching for what I'm told that I can't have. Don't let others define what you can have and what you cannot. They don't know what you're capable of and those statements come from their own fears.

Occasionally in life you both will feel lost. It's OK to feel this way as long as you keep your map open. (Maps are what we used to use to find our way before GPS.) You'll need to refer to it often to keep yourself on track. Don't lose sight of your destination. Many obstacles will try to block the path to your goals but obstacles are meant to be overcome. They are merely tests put before us to make sure we appreciate the destination once we get there.

Headline from "I Am, I Said" by Neil Diamond, 1971

Here I Am, Rock You Like a Hurricane

It's been a while in between posts. The reason is that our world got turned upside down starting on September 11th. That was the day we packed up and headed to Dallas to escape the potential wrath of a hurricane named Ike. At the time, my thought was "We'll probably lose power and it might be really windy and scare the kids...so let's skip out of town." Well, as it turned out, Ike slammed right into Houston creating more than just a little wind. In a nutshell, it sucked. Yeah, it really sucked. We lost power at home fro 16 days. 16 days. Not something I'd like to do again. Ike was kind enough to tear the roof off your Dad's business and we came back to find about four inches of water on the floor and the place smelling like a sewer. It was some kind of month. I can honestly say that I have never worked so hard, under so much pressure. It was the first time I can remember not being in control of a situation. Some insight...I don't do well in those situations. But we got through it, all of us. Your mom did a great job taking care of you guys and leaving me to deal with what I had on my plate. We're not done yet...we're still rebuilding the chocolate company and it'll be a few more weeks until things return to normal there. But we're getting there.

Amidst the destruction, turmoil, frustration, anxiety, stress, and hopelessness of the situation we found ourselves in, I was amazed at the sense of community that I saw especially amongst our neighbors. Everyone went out of their way to help each other. It was one of those things that restores your faith in your fellow man. In times of adversity we can still come together. There is hope after all.

I hope we never again have to go through anything like this. I underestimated it and I don't do that often. I will tell you this...if there's a next time...guess which family is gonna have the kick-ass hurricane preparedness kit on the block. You guessed it.

Headline from "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by The Scorpions, 1984