Not zuchinni, fettucini or bulghar wheat, But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat

There are few things more rewarding than the taste of the perfect burger. As ubiquitous as the burger is...when done right...it is life changing. For me, my burger holy grail is In-N-Out Burger and it is a crime that Texas is unrepresented by this establishment of goodness. There is something about a Double Double with cheese, ketchup and grilled onions that is fast-food nirvana. A couple of months ago you guys had the privilege of having your very first taste of In-N-Out on our trip to San Diego. Although you guys liked it, you probably didn't understand the magnitude of the experience you were taking part in. I think Sage threw his on the floor. What else is new. Don't worry, I memorialized the whole thing in pictures. We may use them on our Christmas cards this year.

So today I decided to give a new place a try that has gotten all kinds of rave reviews. We just had a Smashburger open near us and after a failed first attempt with you guys on their opening weekend, today was the day. I ordered my 1/2 lb. Create-Your-Own Smashburger with pepper jack cheese, lettuce, ketchup, grilled onions... and a fried egg. What's that? Yes, a fried egg. It's on the menu, so how bad can it be? My quest in life from here on out will be to get your mother to eat one. Based on her aversion (terrified panic and revulsion) to any of her food touching, I'm betting she's not going to let a fried egg within 3 feet of her burger. Call it a hunch.

So how was it? Ehh. First off, a burger should not be scalding hot. My tongue is now horribly disfigured from the 450 degree squirt of grease that shot onto it with my first bite. They call these things Smashburgers because they aren't all perfectly rounded like a normal burger. They are, well, smashed. Kinda flat and malformed. Not unlike some of the girls I dated in high school. Now I like a juicy burger as much as the next guy but this thing was dripping. So much so that the bun literally disintegrated into a sloppy pile of mush. The fried egg tasted good on it but didn't seem to affect the flavor of the burger as much as I thought it would. I guess I just expected to go “Wow, that's the best fried egg burger I ever ate!!” I think if I didn't know there was a fried egg on it I wouldn't have noticed. Or at least that's the statement I'm going with to try to trick your Mom into eating one. The Smashfries did rock however. Made with olive oil and rosemary, they were um-um-good. The place was crowded, even for a rainy Friday afternoon. I don't know if it's the reputation or the urban legend of the place that drew the crowd. I'd go back but it was not the WOW experience I had hoped for. Winner and still champion... In-N-Out Burger remains my cheeseburger in paradise. Good God almighty, which way do I steer...


Headline from "Cheeseburger in Paradise" by Jimmy Buffett, 1978